Can I Sleep Train Without Using Cry-It-Out?

I get this question all the time from parents and the clear answer I give them is, YES. Because cry it out is not what you think it is or how it is portrayed to be by some people in the motherhood space. Let’s talk a little more about what cry it out really is and how it relates to sleep training.

SLEEP TRAINING VS. CRY IT OUT

Cry It Out

Cry it out, also referred to as the extinction method of sleep training, is basically when you leave your baby in their sleep space at bedtime and don’t attend to them till the next morning. There is nothing wrong with this if this is what you want to do. Research shows that practicing cry it out will not impact your child long-term. This is also a common sleep training method recommended by pediatric care providers. If this is something parents want to use to sleep train their babies then that is totally okay but you really do not need help from a sleep consultant like myself to do this. I personally have never used this method with any of my clients but am not opposed to using it if the family really want to use it.

Sleep Training

Sleep training is more than just letting your baby cry it out. There is so much fear-mongering happening on social media, online mom groups, and even within your own circle of family/friends of how sleep training is harmful to children. In reality, sleep training can be successfully accomplished with minimal crying. I never say no crying because that realistically does not exist. If you think about it babies cry for all sorts of things and sleep is one of them. in fact, overtired babies will tend to cry more when you are trying to place them to sleep. Sleep training actually teaches strategies to the parents that they can implement to prevent from having an overtired baby and therefore less crying during the bedtime and naptime process. By sleep training, you are also allowing your child to learn how to self-soothe which is a developmental skill they need for self-regulation as they get older. Research has also shown that mothers that have sleep trained their babies are less likely to be sleep deprived and therefore have a lower chance of anxiety and depression.

Something to Think About…

Let me ask you this…

Is the lack of sleep and sleep deprivation harming YOU as a parent to function at your fullest potential? 

I BET IT IS. Because I know it was hurting me before I sleep trained my children. I was sleep-deprived, feeling overwhelmed & depressed, everything seemed to be a trigger, mom rage was a real thing, and the rage towards my spouse or anyone else for that matter. I want you to know and understand that if you are feeling any or all of these things that A) IT IS NORMAL & B) YOU ARE STILL A GREAT MOM, WIFE, DAUGHTER, SISTER, ETC.

THE TRUTH BEHIND CRYING

Crying is a normal part of how we express our emotions. We all cry. Even as adults, we tend to feel better after a good ugly cry. Children cry for several different reasons as well. In the newborn stage, they may cry because they have colic, are hungry, have a dirty diaper, or just need some extra comfort. In infancy, they may cry due to teething, hunger, dirty diaper, or because you stepped away from them. In the toddler years, they may cry out of frustration because they cannot adequately communicate. In the preschool years, they may cry because they are not getting what they want. You get the picture. 

What The Research Says

The research behind the long-term effects of crying is inconclusive and not generalizable. In fact, some of the research that is usually cited by the no-cry community are studies where babies were abused or neglected for a long period of time such as the Romanian orphans. They also claim that sleep training and/or crying impacts the secure attachment your child has with you. When in reality sleep training has no impact on secure attachment. Secure attachment depends on various aspects of your interactions with your child and not just the sleep training aspect. You have to be responsive, present, sensitive, and available to your child so that they feel protected, loved, heard, and secure. In sleep training, parents are responsive, present, sensitive, and available. They also make sure that their child feels loved, heard, and protected.

There have been several longitudinal studies that followed families for several years and found that babies that were sleep trained using graduated extinction or some level of crying versus those that did not do any sleep training were not significantly different. Using crying or gentle sleep training methods have no long-term effects on your child and therefore it is widely recommended by pediatric care providers and other health care professionals. 

So now, you tell me…CAN YOU SLEEP TRAIN WITHOUT USING CRY IT OUT OR SACRIFICING SECURE ATTACHMENT? The clear answer again is, YES.

Real life example…

My daughter was sleep trained around 5 months and my son around 2 months. With  my daughter, I used the graduated extinction or controlled crying method. It worked well for her but she did cry a long time initially. To learn more about her sleep training journey read this blog. With my son I used more of a gentle sleep training method and attended to him when he needed me. He was sleeping 8 hours by 2 months. Both of my children are securely attached to both my husband and myself. Plus, my husband is a child psychiatrist and medically trained and experienced in child development. If there was anything wrong with sleep training or with the crying it involved then there would be no way he would have been on board with it.

HOW MUCH CRYING IS ACTUALLY INVOLVED WITH SLEEP TRAINING? 

My sleep training methods are heavily driven by my clients. If you decide to work with me then I will educate you on the various methods that may work well for your child given their age and where they are developmentally. I also take into account their sleep temperament and preferences before I curate a personalized sleep plan. I then support, empower, and encourage my clients along the way so they feel confident throughout their sleep training journey. 

The amount of crying that is involved is dependent on the client and what their tolerance is. If crying is a huge trigger for one parent then I may have the other parent take the lead for the first few days or have them follow a method that involves less crying. I have also had parents take the extinction route because the more times they went in the more triggered they got. Since it is so individualized, I leave it up to my clients to decide on what they want to do. 

If you are ready to take the next step towards being well-rested but not sure which sleep method will work for your child and/or family, then let me help you. Book a FREE CALL today and get one step closer to getting the sleep you and your child need and deserve. 

NIGHT NIGHT,

Unnati

REFERENCES: 

Gradisar M, Jackson K, Spurrier NJ, et al. Behavioral Interventions for Infant Sleep Problems: A Randomized Controlled Trial. Pediatrics. 2016;137(6):e20151486. doi:10.1542/peds.2015-1486

Hiscock H, Wake M. Randomised controlled trial of behavioural infant sleep intervention to improve infant sleep and maternal mood. BMJ. 2002;324(7345):1062-1065. doi:10.1136/bmj.324.7345.1062

Price, Anna M H et al. “Five-year follow-up of harms and benefits of behavioral infant sleep intervention: randomized trial.” Pediatrics vol. 130,4 (2012): 643-51. doi:10.1542/peds.2011-3467

Weir, K. (2014, June). The lasting impact of neglect. Monitor on Psychology, 45(6). http://www.apa.org/monitor/2014/06/neglect