A Mother & Daughter’s Journey to Sleep: Our Sleep Story

This is my daughter, Samaira’s sleep story. 

When I had my daughter back in 2017, I had no idea how difficult sleep would be for both my baby and myself. Getting a solid 4-5 hours seemed like a dream. Looking back, we did so many things wrong when it came to safe sleep practices and setting up healthy foundations of sleep. We used the rock’ n play (before it was recalled), the swing, co-slept, nursed/rocked to sleep, you name it. We were using ALL of the sleep associations. Then around the time she was 3 months or so, I woke up exhausted to the point where I could not even get out of bed. I felt defeated. I felt my anxiety kicking in & taking over. That lowest low moment caused me to start researching how I can get my daughter (and ME) sleeping and feeling rested. Back then, I was not a certified pediatric sleep consultant then nor did I know such a person existed. 

Actually, I take that back. One of my best friends used a sleep consultant and when I first heard about her using one I recall laughing in the moment. Again, this was before I became a mom. I regress. Let’s get back to Samaira’s sleep story. Well, I looked up some of the different sleep methods- Extinction, Ferber, Pick-up/Put-down, Controlled Crying, etc. I was overwhelmed with which one to pick. What I did know was that my baby girl was going to have to cry…and cry…and cry some more. Then the question became, “Are we okay with her crying?”. 

I assessed EVERYTHING… my mental space, our lack of sleep, her need for adequate sleep, the crying, and the long-term benefits. After really thinking through it and realizing that the benefits outweighed the risks (which there are none) I decided to move forward with sleep training her. I ended up using various methods to see which one worked for her. I eventually ended up using the controlled crying or controlled check-in approach with Samaira. When I first decided to take the drastic step of sleep training my husband, a child psychiatrist, was 100% on board which made things a lot easier to know I had his support.

The whole process was emotionally hard on me but what was harder was raising a child with zero help and support outside of my husband. We lacked a village. I had no one to give me those breaks where I can shower, sleep, eat, or even recharge. I knew that if I did not take the step to sleep train her early on that it could become even a bigger problem in the future. 

It took about 3-4 weeks to sleep train her using the controlled check-in method. We got to the point where we could just place her in the crib awake and leave. I had broken all of the associations! SO EXCITING! I was finally getting the rest I needed to feel like myself again. I felt like I was a happier person and a much better mother to Samaira. I knew what I did was the best thing for both of us. As for the crying, well there was some crying as there always is in babies. But this time I was in control of how long I was going to let her cry. I was in control of what I was going to do next. I was in control of our well-being. And I knew what I was doing was the best for both of us. 

Samaira went from waking every 2-3 hours her first 3 months to sleeping 5-6 hour stretches at night. That may not seem like a lot of sleep for some but for me, that was all the sleep I needed to feel recharged. The next step was tackling the 4-month sleep regression or the 4-month progression as I like to call it. It came, did its thing, and we went back to normal sleep habits. The first few nights were rough but after staying consistent and in control we were able to get back to normal once it was over. 

Then came another hurdle in our sleep journey and the one that caused the biggest strain. Travel. We traveled to India when she was about 5 ½ months old. I do not know if it was the best decision but we had no choice. We were going there to attend my husband’s brother’s wedding. We were only there for 10 days. While there, we coslept because that is the trend there. We did not take out pack n’ play because we did not want it to get lost (or stolen). We even resorted to some naps on the go in the car seat and baby carrier. We basically just made it work. There were no schedules or sleep protocols that we followed. 

After returning from our 10-day trip, I imagined her sleep would return back to normal. Well, I was WRONG. Her days and nights were confused for several weeks. She had also formed sleep associations again. I basically had to restart the whole sleep training process over. I also noticed that she was more aware of her surroundings now. She was 6 months old by the time we came back from India so it was to be expected. Her crib was in our room and at that time we did not have a room dedicated to her nursery. However, we were moving in 2 months and would have a nursery dedicated for her in the new house. 

And that's exactly what she needed. She needed her own space. She needed to be away from me. Away from her sleep association. Within 2-3 nights of her sleeping in her own room in the crib, she was able to sleep through the night again. This time she was giving us 10-11 hour stretches which never happened. 

Our sleep journey with Samaira lasted several months with tons of obstacles but we made it through. And now at almost 4 years old, she is still sleeping through the night with a few hiccups here and there. We still follow a bedtime of around 7:00/7:30 for her with an occasional family movie night or dinner out with friends that does end up delaying it which is normal and to be expected. We always follow the 80/20 rule when it comes to sleep. Nothing is perfect including your child’s sleep. Remember, YOU ARE IN CONTROL. Not your child. 

HAVE A SLEEP STORY OF YOUR OWN?

PLEASE SHARE! I LOVE HEARING FROM YOU ALL!

NIGHT NIGHT,

Unnati

For more information on how I help CREATE RESTED FAMILIES follow along at @nestedtorestedsleep and SIGN UP for my monthly NEWSLETTER.